April 1st, 2008
President George W. Bush declared today that he had signed a rare Presidential Decree canceling any further expenditure of Federal funds on the US Space Shuttle program.
"We cannot find any justification to continue the deficit funding of a program that has no application other that proving that with enough money America can do anything," said Bush.
"The whole world knows that already, so why keep spending money on it," he added.
The announcement was made during an even rarer press conference with the White House press corps, at which the President started proceedings by handing out Easter Eggs, quipping, "it might be politically incorrect to hand these out, but don't worry we got them on discount at a Wal-Mart sale so they aren't really religious items anymore."
With the press left looking like stunned bunnies, the President took to the podium before dropping today's bombshell that Congressional supporter's of the Space Shuttle have told Scientific American, "will cost thousands of jobs, and leave school children confused as to what America can actually do in space anymore."
During the press conference Bush told reporters, "I don't want to see another NASA administrator - appointed on my watch - left to justify a program to Congress based on lies, disinformation, half-truths and sexed up reports."
During a brief two-minute period provided for questions from the press, the first reporter asked if this meant the Space Station was also being shut down. To which the President answered, "we plan to either hold an auction on Ebay or give it away to "our international partners."